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Virtual tour to Britain: Anastasiya Sidorchuk, 11a

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How to Be British Collection
By Anastasiya Sidorchuk, 11a

First of all, I want to give thanks to Maria Evgenievna for this summer HW, because the book under the title “How To Be British Collection”, which we have had to read, contains all the necessary components of a truly fascinating book: it’s easy to read, it’s exciting, cause each of us would like to get acquainted with the weirdness of people from the country whose language we study at school and the way how author flashes his own disadvantages (mixed with advantages) makes me feel like I’m one of those visitors, who felt both wonder and apprehension.

So, let’s get started with the chapter which is called “Complaining”. It wasn’t the first chapter, which surprised me, but it was one of those, which surprised me the most. It tells us that every visitor must understand that it’s not right to make a fuss, meaning that it’s not polite or nice (it wasn’t mentioned) to draw attention to yourself. British don’t like to be in the limelight. You mustn’t complain about the hotel staff and their poor service, about the rudeness of your driver or unbalanced behavior of your hairdresser. The author explains it with the fact that their life isn’t sweet, and we don’t know what we would do in a given situation. Thus, foreigners, and local people too, of course, are not supposed to take people around for granted. Therefore, armchair critics have nothing to do there. If you are one of them, you should bite your tongue. So, I can make a conclusion that every Brit is a little liar, who flatters at every step.

The next weirdness appeared in the chapter under the title “Terms of Endearment”. We know that British are reasonable and formality doesn’t take the last place in their life. However, every visitor can hear such forms of address even to strangers as “honey”, “cutie”, “Duckie” and so on. They enjoy playing with different forms of one word, especially with forms of the name. For example, I hope, they would paraphrase my name into “Ana”, “Nancy”, “Asya”.. We can think that British just wear their heart on their sleeve, but! The author says that not every foreigner can learn the skill of the “terms of endearment”. And usually, most of them may get a bream. So, it’s much better to bite your tongue and be polite, it would be enough. Don’t rush to pour in their atmosphere, enjoy the moment and don’t bite off more than you can chew.

I’d like to discuss the chapter “Beds” about the atmosphere of British bedtime. In my opinion, the success of your trip depends on several things, one of them is a good night’s sleep. And for real English sleep, you have to prepare yourself very carefully. Some features are reeeeeeally strange. For example, before you go to bed, you have to put a hotwater bottle in a woolen “cosy” into the hollow in the middle of your bed. It will create a certain comfort. My favorite part is a cup of cocoa before bedtime. As I have read, British also enjoy drinking special malted bedtime drink. Ukrainians don’t even imagine what it is, but I searched for information and discovered that it’s a powdered gruel made from a mixture of malted barley, wheat flour, and evaporated whole milk. The most famous malted drink there is Horlicks. And could you believe that British hate drinking herbal tea? I couldn’t, but I had to. Your clothes are also very important – British wear huge winceyette pyjamas or very long nylon nighties. You have to make sure that there is a bedside table with a curious book on it. And, of course, how will British fall asleep without a cat, settled down at the food of the bed? Nowhow! So, if you care about each item of this instruction of “How To Have The Sweetest dreams In Britain”, you will be ready to take a deep breath of relief and fall asleep.

Judging by previous chapters, I understood that every wise foreigner in Britain should let sleeping dogs lie - British are not supposed to be too sensitive, so those people whom British calls “go-getters” might learn from their mistakes and keep the distance. Of course, every visitor has a great desire to join in the atmosphere of a foreign country, especially in the atmosphere of GB, which last time surprises us with unexpected turns of events. But reading the chapter “Heavenly Hosts” we found out that each British family has the same household chores, which we have - endless queues to the bathroom in the morning, eternal quarrels about the fact that the last portion of cereals is eaten (I thought of my sister and me at once), the struggle over the favorite show we will watch in the evening or debates over the washing up after cosy family dinner. So, British actually live the same problems, as we, their problems could be just acutaly expressed. The author also says that foreign students enjoy coming here to “live the language”, and they are ready to do their best to stay here for a long time, for example, to take care of a child of the host or to discuss the show, which they do not understand, just to side with native speakers.

The last chapter I want to discuss is “Enjoy Your Meal”. The British are famous for their breakfast - eggs, bacon, sausages, orange juice and so on. However, the author declares: “The fact is that Britain has one of the greatest cuisines in the United Kingdom”. Although the breakfast looks very sustantial (it includes bacon, eggs, grilled tomatoes, sausages, black pudding, baked beans, kippers, fried bread and so on) what is special in such undistinguished even for us, Ukrainians, products? Let’s check out the main dishes.

1. Lancashire hotpot (a dish made traditionally from lamb or mutton and onion, topped with sliced potatoes)
2. Yorkshire pudding (an English food made from batter consisting of eggs, flour, and milk or water.)
3. Bubble and squeak (a great way of using up leftover mash, sprouts and cabbage - resembles our pancakes)
4. Shepherds pie (a layered casserole of mashed potatoes, veggies and beef)
5. Spotted dick (a British pudding, made with suet and dried fruit and often served with custard)
6. Tinned pears with evaporated milk (I bet it’s my paradise)

However, most tourists do not try this wonderful range of national food but devour pizzas, salads, kebabs, noodles and all kinds of peculiar foreign imports. It’s really stupid – to go to another country and to sample your own cuisine. What’s the point?